How often do we start the New Year on January 1st on a bad foot because we’re just trying to recover from the insanity of the holidays that we just experienced? We’re supposed to enjoy the New Year as a fresh start and a revamp but many times, were too exhausted to even care about the year changing on the calendar. Let’s make this year different. Let’s fully embrace NO-vember and learn to set some boundaries and protect our energy so we can enjoy all of the exciting things that the New Year has in store for us.
NO-vember has popped up this year in many forms – many funny memes – and many interpretations, but I’m viewing it as learning to say NO to things that drain my energy force. It’s very hard many times to say no to people or events because you don’t want to let anyone down. It may even be because you don’t want to experience the possible fomo associated with not attending something. I get it – but we often say YES far more than we should, spreading ourselves too thin just trying to people please. This doesn’t serve us well at the end of the day. If you’re a highly sensitive person like me, saying no is incredibly hard but incredibly necessary. I require more time alone to “recharge” my batteries than most people and if I don’t intentionally draw boundaries, I let people suck the life force right out of me without even realizing it.
This is especially true during the holiday season when you feel an obligation to do so many things and please so many people. There are expectations that you’ll attend your work’s party, your spouse’s work party, your friend’s holiday celebration and your family’s multi-day Christmas extravaganza! You’re held to these expectations all while shopping for and wrapping presents, trying to create countless “unique” side dishes or deserts to share, decorating the house and soaking in holiday movies and music. On top of it, you’re still supposed to maintain your everyday life – going to work, being a mother, being a wife, trying to keep a workout on the to-do list and somehow still get enough sleep so you don’t look like the ghost of Christmas past for the countless photos you’ll be forced to squeeze into. That’s A LOT for anyone to keep up with.
With so many obligations on your to do list and so many expectations from so many people (regardless of if they deserve your time or not) you need to take steps to prepare yourself and protect yourself from burn out. There will be energy vampires galore out there, trying to suck the life out of you on the daily if you’re not careful. There will be endless small talk – “how’s your job going?” “how’s your family doing?” “are you planning on having more kids?’ (note: this is a bullshit question that gets asked to women as soon as they get married and forever until they either have at least one of each gender child or hit menopause – mind your own body…) It’s my personal opinion that if we actually have a real relationship, you already know these things about me and we can cut the bullshit small talk as I wait in line to stuff my face (1. Because food is good 2. So I have a reason not to talk to anyone).
Three things I do regularly to ensure that I’m not totally drained by the masses are as follows: I mentally create a shield around myself every single morning to protect me from karma, judgements, negativity and anything willing to drain my life force. This one is still a constant work in progress but, I try to set boundaries – to know my limits and say NO to things I really have no interest in participating in or that I know will drain my limited, precious energy. Lastly, I set aside time just for me, alone, to recharge my batteries.
1. The Shield – Your mind is incredibly powerful so spending some time in the morning, before I’m in contact with too many people, I take 5 minutes to do a visualization technique where I basically create a force field around myself. I hone in my oversized aura and bring it within arm’s reach to keep it close to me and surround myself with different layers of protection in the form of colors, followed by a mirrored layer to deflect anything trying to drain my life force. I ask that the shield protect for me all judgements, all karma, all negativity and all things that do not serve me. I connect myself deeply into the earth to stay grounded, fill my cells with white light and connect to my creator.
Now, I know this probably sounds wonky to a lot of people, and it did to me at first too, but I have been doing it religiously since July and very rarely experience the ups and downs that I used to. With an aura as large as mine tends to be, I was constantly pulling in other people’s energies and taking on a lot of issues that weren’t mine, but that were easily projected onto me. Since starting to visualize my shield on the daily, I own what is mine, and very rarely take on other people’s “stuff.” Even better, if I do end up taking on other people’s “stuff,” I can identify that I am doing so and essentially return it to sender. Here are some easy things to visualize to help protect your aura and rid of it other people’s “stuff” when you feel like you’ve gathered it.
2. Setting Boundaries – Here is where the NO in NO-vember really starts to shine. This is tough for many people, as I said before because who wants to let anyone down. Well, it’s a necessary evil for the good of your mental health. Depending on the kind of holiday season you’re used to, plan ahead and really try to identify the things that YOU enjoy most. Honestly, you can trash the rest. They’re YOUR holidays too, and it’s ok to be a little (and I hate the word) “selfish.” Especially when it’s for your greater good.
You have options here, but I think honesty is the best policy. Everyone knows how hectic the holidays can be and if they’re going to be salty to you about not being able to squeeze in their “thing,” well, let them be salty. No matter how hard you try, you’re not going to be able to please everyone - so go ahead and please yourself first. If you spread yourself thin trying to fit everything and everyone in, YOU’RE the one who is going to be left salty. Not to mention overwhelmed and exhausted.
You can tell people that you simply are trying to slow down and soak in the season or that you’re just too booked and maybe a gathering sometime after the holidays are over would be more suitable. I think you’d be surprised at what a relief this may even be for the other party because let’s face it – there’s a chance they’re just trying to “people please” you! People low-key love cancelled plans to recoup some time for themselves, as long as it’s done tastefully and in advance.
I wouldn’t go the route of ghosting friends or, saying you’ll attend something and just being absent because people put a lot of time, money and planning into many events and it’s just rude to say you’ll do something and not follow through. Saying NO up-front is a better option. The expectation is then squashed at that point and you’re free to either make other plans that suit your desires better, or just sit at home in a hot bath listening to the N’SYNC Holiday Album on repeat (guilty pleasure).
3. Alone Time – It may seem like with everything going on during the holiday season, you simply don’t have time to spend by yourself. Well, you must MAKE time. Without setting boundaries and politely declining yet another obligation, you WILL burn out. Everything will become a blur and unless you really enjoy the insanely fast pace that the holidays can take; you won’t truly be able to stay present and enjoy all of the magical moments the holidays can offer.
Recharging your batteries can take many forms; you just have to find what’s right for you. You don’t have to sit alone in a dark room for exactly one hour, staring at the wall with not a thought going through your head – but then again, you CAN if that’s what recharges your batteries. I have friends who do morning mediation, or one before bed. There are apps that can help guide you through a meditation or just help you relax in general if your head is spinning. Here are some good examples of those. Going for a walk and connecting with nature, having a long hot shower and doing an extravagant hair care routine, or even springing for a massage to relieve your aching shoulders and neck tension are all other examples of carving out time for yourself to let your mind rest and relieve some stress.
As with anything in life, you have a CHOICE on how you want your holiday season to look. Do you want to essentially be the Thanksgiving turkey running around with your head cut off or do you want to at least try to set some boundaries, slow down a little, and fully be present at the events and with the people you chose to spend the holidays with. It’s up to you. You don’t have to go balls to the walls, cancel everything and be a hermit - but maybe this year you can try dismissing one event, party, dinner, white elephant exchange or the like and see how it feels to get some time back for yourself. Spend that time doing something that makes YOU happy. If you like wrapping presents super ornately, spend an evening with a glass of wine, watching Home Alone and being a wrapping kween! (don’t forget to order pizza, you’re going to want it after you see Little Nero’s deliver 10 pizza’s to the McAllister house). Hope you enjoy a wonderful holiday season, filled with many magical moments and if you’re in Colorado – tons of snow!